Emptying The Cup
©1989 Shari Dyer

(This is a true story; the name was changed.)

Myra was lost in her own darkness, holding her anger like a shield and wielding her sharp intelligence like a brilliant, deadly sword. Another Aikido instructor had recommended me to her. Myra, I had been told, didn’t trust men and was looking for private instructions in Aikido from a woman. Could I help her? I was willing to find out.

Greeting Myra when she entered the dojo, I watched her tight body language with interest. Long black hair, black clothes, black eyes; she introduced herself as an evil witch who drew comfort from her own power.

But in fact, her tight, contracted movements were speaking to me of pain, not power. She seemed desperately afraid of her own ability to hurt another. She was rigidly restraining her own natural, physical self-expression, and seemed constantly on guard against attack.

This is sad, I thought. I couldn't turn her away.

She came to me demanding proof that the world was not the world of pain and fear that she lived in. Sure of her own power, she was certain that violence must be met with violence, not with harmony, as Aikido does. I was to prove her wrong, if I could.

I invited her onto the mat, giving the traditional standing bow as I stepped onto it myself. She scorned this first lesson, striding onto the mat defiantly, waiting to see how I would react to this silent, disdainfully thrown gauntlet. Her attitude made it very evident that she wasn’t ready for a formal Aikido lesson. I decided to face her challenge head on, entering into her world.

“You are not so powerful.” I said mildly. “In fact, you would be easy to throw.”

"You can’t throw me!” she retorted sharply. She had no idea.

She had given me the opening I was looking for. I smiled and began to quietly enjoy the confrontation.

“I won’t. But you are not near as powerful as you think you are. Here, take this wooden sword and hit me over the top of my head as hard as you wish.” I handed her a bokken, one of the traditional weapons of Aikido. She took it hesitantly, but then gripped it hard with both hands, tensing her body in anticipation.

“I will really hurt you with this! I can hit very hard!” I knew she meant to slam that bokken down with great force. I didn’t let her see how happy that made me.

It was my turn to scorn. “You won’t even touch me.” I relaxed, looking slightly bored, knowing that my body language would tell her that I did not believe in her power. She was going to have to prove herself to me. The tables were turned.

I stood exactly front of her, well within reach of her sword. She was torn between her eagerness to attack and her inability to believe she had my full permission to do so.

“Go ahead! I commanded. “Hit!”

Myra leapt forward, swinging the sword down with all her might, anticipating the feel of the sword smashing down on my head. I quietly slipped behind her. As her sword chopped down into thin air, she stumbled and fought for balance. She was truly shocked that she had missed me.

There was a pause, and I spoke into it.

“Don’t you see?” I asked quietly. “It was your eagerness to attack me that unbalanced you. Treating the world as your enemy, you only throw yourself.”

As she turned to me, straightening up, I saw a light of wonder soften the darkness in her eyes.

It was a beginning.

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Aikido of Diablo Valley
Concord, CA
www.advdojo.org